I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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