Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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