YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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