are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
