Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
