He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
