Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.