I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.