Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.