wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
