but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
