My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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