I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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