I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Text me some of your sweat
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
