worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
