i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
