The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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