p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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