and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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