I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
