I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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