so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize