I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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