i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
