we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
