so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
