i need an iv and a liver transplant
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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