I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
