I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize