she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
