i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
