You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
