dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
