Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
