did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
