addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
