I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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