it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
