The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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