How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
