did you get engaged???
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
