Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
