Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
