I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
