Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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