Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
