umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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