my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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