You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
