i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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