my mouth tastes like poor choices
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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