Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
