yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i think i just lost a toe
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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