I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
