I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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