I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
