I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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