My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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