My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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