I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
