I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
