Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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