Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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