yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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