is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
