I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
