the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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