how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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