Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i came on her dog
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
