The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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