Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
