Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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