its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
