Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
