Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
