so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
